Dating and Relationships

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

There are many couples who decide to live together when the urge to have sex is decreasing, but according to the sexologists when you do not have sex steadily over time you lose that desire. So, Sexless relationships, can they work?

In general, if the couple still wants to and cannot have sex because one is tired or have no time then it does not produce any kind of conflict, but in the event that a person has an urge to have sex and the other is not cooperating then several conflicts arise, which can lead to infidelity and cause separation.

Do not be surprised if your partner gives you the excuses like stress, lack of sleep, depression, among others. If the two cannot solve this problem, the best option is to consult a physician or a psychologist. So, Sexless relationships, can they work?

We all know the importance of sex in couples. This not only has to do with the frequency of sex in these relationships, but also the quality. Over time, experts argue that the passion is lost and the relationship centers on the love and companionship. How far is this true? Sexless relationships, can they work?

It is partly true that over a period of time, love takes the front seat in any relationship and sex might take the back seat. But still, sex can be considered as one of the major elements in any relationship and it cannot be completely ignored. This is because sex multiplies the desire for each other and it is the spice of any relationship. This is the reason why you need to give it a bit of attention apart from love and companionship. Plan to take some time out of your busy schedule and try to spend that time with your partner. Not only that, make sure that you have sex at least once in every week if not every day. Also be completely aware of the other person’s needs for sex in a relationship. If you completely ignore the other person’s needs then there are chances that he or she might want to stray out for the sake of sex. This is completely unhealthy for the relationship and might cause separation or a divorce.

So, Sexless relationships, can they work? The chances are very little. So it is better to maintain that fire till the last breath. If you cannot maintain the frequency it is not a problem but if sex complete lacks in the relationship then there are the chances that the relationship might completely lose the beauty. So make sure you maintain physical intimacy as much as possible in the relationship. Sex is one of the most important needs of the human body apart from food and clothing. So, one should completely attend this particular need in order to lead a harmonious and healthy life. When it comes to maintaining a relationship, sex is one of the most important factors apart from love and proper understanding.

When we first begin a relationship our life partner we are likely to want to spend every possible moment with our new mate. Most of us find this new person irresistible, we simply cannot get enough of them. During this initial phase we are learning about them, and for most of us we are hanging on every word they say and listening intently. Most people feel full of joy and see life through rose colored glasses during this stage. This stage, not surprisingly, is referred to as ‘the Honeymoon’ stage.

The stage of a relationship is a phase of discovery. We have become accustomed to seeing our partner so some of the initial excitement is over. During this stage we discover each other’s little quirks and things that make the person human. This phase is when most couples begin to really open up to one another on a consistent basis about their deep thoughts and feelings. Emotional intimacy can become a true reality during this phase.

Once you have come this far most couples agree that it is time to commit to each other. After all, they feel very comfortable with each other and they have shared intimate details about their lives with one another. They have acknowledged that each of them have flaws but they’ve accepted them.

The fourth stage is sometimes referred to as the ‘Power Struggle’ phase. This is the stage where many couples give up – they end their relationship. Power struggles are never comfortable and they are difficult to work through. They usually seem to come from out of nowhere, leaving the partners wondering what went wrong. This is one of those times that the partners have to remember that magical word called ‘compromise’. Communication is vital during such phases.

After the power struggle is resolved the couple will probably move into a stage of growth where feelings of intimacy between them are intensified and the bonds are stronger than ever. Each has learned something new about the other and hopefully each has accepted his/her feelings and views. Because they have weathered a storm together and come through it still holding hands the couple is more in love than ever. It’s great food for the soul.

And not surprisingly, this newfound intimacy often leads to a second phase of what many call a Honeymoon stage. The couple feels great about being together and the bonds are stronger than ever. In the best and healthiest relationships this phase will last indefinitely.

So what was left out? Well, lots of things really. There are phases that focus on such things as having kids, or starting a new business, or any other project that is time and thought demanding. The reason the couple will go through changes during such times is because as one or both partners is giving time and attention to a baby, a new job, a new business, or whatever, the other partner may feel left out, lonely, ignored, neglected, or even jealous. And when that happens the partners have to work through the difficulties and find common ground and compromises that work for both of them.

There are also stages that focus on hardships that could include almost anything that one or both partners finds disturbing. Sometimes it is as tragic as a death of a parent, sibling or child, and other times it may be bankruptcy or health issues that must be addressed.

The reality is that relationships consist of living beings that are closely connected. Relationships themselves take on a life of their own. They have to be nurtured and cared for if they are to thrive. People in the relationships need to understand that there will be phases to their relationship and this is the normal progression of things. This understanding will make the ups and downs of life and how they affect the couple easier to accept. In the end, the couple is likely to learn that each change can be an opportunity for bringing them closer and making their bonds stronger.

No matter who you, or what stage of life you’re in, or whether you are married, engaged, living with a partner, or you just met someone, or even are hoping to meet someone – we all have one thing in common; all of us start out alone. Before each and every relationship we have at least some alone time.

I believe the alone time is probably some of the most valuable time we ever get. This time allows us an opportunity to get to know ourselves and knowing we really know who we are we can better contribute to others in our life and to the world in general.

I’m not talking about hocus pocus or make believe stuff here. I’m talking about knowing what is truly important in our own world. You could start out with a focus on such things as ethics, morals, and even religious beliefs. These are some of the things that are at the core of who we are. Our true understanding of these issues in ourselves can serve to help us choose someone that is compatible.

Let’s face it, few of us would choose to partner up with a thief.  But how do you feel about a partner that would do such things as keep extra change that was mistakenly handed to him/her after a purchase. Or what about cheating on a test? For some of us these things are acceptable, but for others they are not.

I believe life is full of lessons. Some lessons we learn because we seek out knowledge and understanding, and other times it simply happens. I also believe that we can learn something from everyone we meet. And because I believe that way it is easier to deal with lots of situations. This includes even situations like finding out a partner is cheating or even making the discovery that a relationship is simply not going to work.

You see, even the wrong partner has a valuable lesson to teach, and that doomed relationship takes us closer to the one that we really want.

When we really seek to learn what we can from the individuals in our life we learn more about ourselves. One way to do this is to try to imagine being that other person and how he/she must feel about various issues. Try to determine what makes them tick and to understand then why they behave or do the things they do. Believe me, you will learn much about yourself, as well as the psychology of behaviors.

After you figure exactly the type of person that you want as a partner the next step is make yourself the ideal person for that individual. I know this sounds hokey, but think about it; if this other person is as special as you want them to be, then they want and deserve a wonderful partner, right? It only makes sense to work at turning yourself into that person. But be prepared to work at this. It could require giving up some bad habits or simply becoming more fit by taking better care of yourself.

When a new relationship begins we are enthralled with the possibilities of what the future may hold. After all, it seems we have found someone that we really connect with – someone that we can love and who loves us back. And for most people, this early stage in the relationship, the honeymoon phase, is fun, interesting, and seems as though it will never end. But sadly, for many couples, the newness wears off and the romance subsides sooner than they would like.

So what goes wrong? Is it that the partners become too comfortable with each other and therefore they take advantage of each other’s good nature? Or does the love slowly dissipate for other reasons?

From personal experience I can tell you that any number of things can happen. Taking each other for granted is very common. The fact is that in the beginning we are thrilled to have a new person in our life. We do whatever we can to spend time with that person. And we are more tolerant of his or her strange ways; in fact, we may find those little quirks to be cute or to make that person special.

But for many of us as time goes on we eventually realize that those same ‘cute little things’ that made our new partner unique become annoying. And instead of appreciating our partner for the individual that he or she is, we begin to accept the fact that the person is a part of our life and that person simply has some annoying habits that we would like to change.

Obviously, this is unfair. All of us are unique and all of us have personality quirks. We do not expect that someone will ever ask us to change our little quirks. Let’s face it, being accepted just the way we are is important to us.

Another thing that happens is that we expect our partner to make us happy. That is so unfair! The reality is that each of us are responsible for our own happiness. We need to work at finding happiness and let that shine through in our relationships with others.

Jealousy is often a culprit in relationships. Knowing and understanding what each partner deems as acceptable in the relationship is vital to a lasting relationship.

If couples work at respecting each other from the start for who they really are the likelihood that the relationship will last is greatly improved. It’s often when one or both partners begin expecting changes that trouble begins.

Relationships with a solid foundation can survive even the hardest of times. The need is that the relationship be based on a true friendship that is given without conditions. Unconditional love, as it is referred to, is a love that accepts the other person just as they are. There are no requirements other than love and friendship.

Such relationships strengthen over time. In other words, as they age and season, the partners grow to respect each other even more. And in that way, the relationship continues getting better with age.

How do you measure the success of your relationship? Does its success depend on what other people think of you as a couple or on how the two of you get along when no one else is around?

Let’s face it, few of us have the perfect relationship – in fact, does anyone even know what it means to have the perfect relationship? I guess before that question can be answered we have to begin by defining what a perfect relationship would be and there really isn’t a single answer to that.

For instance, if you happen to be a sports fan you would probably appreciate a partner that either enjoys sports or is at least tolerant of your obsession/hobby. The same is true of any other past times. I spend a lot of time on the computer so my partner has to accept that.

Those types of things are sometimes obvious but what aren’t quite so obvious are things like meeting someone that we really like that has different moral standards than we do. I’m not talking about falling in love with a serial killer or anything drastic like that – what I’m referring to are what some might think of as little things, like not telling a store clerk when they give us too much change or even cheating on a test of some sort.

Believe it or not, even those things that seem small in the beginning can add up over time. Eventually they can seem very important and take on a life of their own. It’s likely that the first few incidences will be overlooked but as they happen time and again you will begin to question your partner’s character in other areas. This may or may not be fair to your partner because it is likely that these are his/her only faults, and let’s face it, none of us are perfect.

Some people measure the success of their relationship by the financial status the couple achieves. In other words, their basic goal is to have a nice home, car, clothes, other material possessions, and enough money to take vacations, etc. While most of us enjoy those things they hardly insure a quality relationship.

This may sound strange at first thought, but… when we do anything important in life we begin with a plan. If we are starting a new career we plan it out. If we are moving we start with a plan. But when we begin a relationship it seems that we lose sight of the importance of planning. We simply jump in and fly by the seat of our pants into oblivion, hoping that everything will turn out just the way we want it to.

A simple plan for the type of relationship we want would help set us up for success. If we know what we want we can work toward getting it. Plans start with goals and then all that is needed are the steps that will get us to those goals. It’s a simple formula, but it does work.

As much as we would like to find a wonderful relationship that maintains itself – it’s not going to happen. Relationships require work. It’s as simple as that. Of course, for some people the work is not as difficult as it is for others – but that does not mean that they don’t apply themselves to make the relationship last.

It’s similar to good health; some people have found easy ways to incorporate a healthy way of living into their daily lifestyle which helps to keep them physically fit. Other people stay fit by going to the gym regularly and sticking to a strict diet. Both approaches work, but one seems much easier than the other. However, even incorporating healthy eating and exercise into your daily life takes some effort.

When it comes to relationships, one of the most important things anyone can do is take responsibility for their own feelings and needs. No one else can be responsible for making you feel happy and secure – you have to do that yourself. This is done by treating yourself with kindness and in a caring way.

An example of how this works is examining a situation in which your partner is not feeling interested in you. This makes you feel abandoned and lost. Ask yourself why. Do not blame your partner for the way you feel, instead, look deep inside to see what it is about you that is making you feel that way. Keep in mind that you are responsible for your feelings.

While you treat yourself with kindness, compassion, understanding and acceptance, you should do the same for your partner. This usually brings the same treatment back to you. However, you do need to know that you cannot make your partner change – you can only change yourself. So if you happen to be in a relationship with someone that is consistently angry, blaming, jealous, withdrawn, or unavailable to you, then you need to either accept that sort of relationship or leave it.

When conflicts arise you have a choice to make. You can either choose to learn more about your partner and yourself by discovering the true sources of the conflict, or you can work to control the situation. The first choice allows you to educate yourself in a way that will be beneficial now and in the future. The second choice may allow you to ‘win’ this conflict, but it will do nothing to help the long term success of your relationship.

All healthy relationships include fun – which can mean different things to different couples. Some couples prefer quiet romantic dinners and others enjoy exciting times together. Whatever it is that the two of you enjoy together, it should be included on a regular basis.

When it comes to dating some people will date just about anyone to avoid sitting at home. This seems to be a personality type that simply enjoys being around people. But others are very selective. For them a date should be an event with a special person and the date itself should be special.

The problem is in deciding on how to make a date special. Deciding how and where to begin planning a date to remember really can be easy, that is, if you follow a few basic tips.

Hopefully you know something about your date. If you don’t then you need to ask prior to time for planning the date. After all, the date is about fun for the two of you. With that being said, you obviously want to make the date fun.

Leaving a lasting impression is easier when you do something out of the ordinary. This really isn’t hard to do. An example could be that your date loves a certain type of music by a particular artist. Depending on your budget you could do any one of the following:

• Purchase a CD of the music and play it as the two of you eat a meal (even a picnic style meal)
• Go out to a nightclub that has that type of live music
• Attend a live concert of the favorite artist

It is very important to note that your date should not end with one event, not if you want it to be memorable. Instead, when you leave one place you should go to another. This place should also be an uncommon place for a date. Examples include zoos, museums, roller skating and art galleries. The point is to do something that will make this time with you different than times with other people.

Because you want this date to be special you should also consider the fact that you will need to be comfortable. If dressing up is uncomfortable for you then consider planning the date around casual settings. You see, your discomfort could result in you not being as good natured or cheerful as you would like to be. You definitely do not want this date to be remembered in a negative sense.

If you are concerned about running out of things to say then work on it beforehand and plan your date at places that will not require a lot of talking. If you go out to dinner you will be expected to make conversation. In comparison, going to a concert allows little chance for discussions. Planning ahead is essential.

The good thing about having a memorable date with someone is that it leaves a nice impression and your partner will be ready to go out with you again. Remember that memorable dates can happen on any type of budget. Picnics in front of a fireplace or in the park are not only memorable and romantic, they are also cheap. Just use your imagination.

If you are lucky enough to finally meet the partner of your dreams then let me say, ‘Congratulations’. Some people go through their whole life and never meet anyone that they feel is right for them. As children, most of us dream about growing up and being with someone we love for the rest of our life.

Some of us have those dreams worked out to the very last detail. We know what kind of person we want to be with, we know what kind of wedding we want (if we want a wedding at all), we know how many kids we want, etc., etc. So after we find that perfect partner we can start working on the ‘rest of the story’ and building our life just the way we pictured it.

To stress the point of this article I am going to use an example of a friend of mine, actually, my best friend from high school, Karen. You need to know that one of Karen’s dreams was to live in an old house, a fixer-upper. Karen also wanted a house full of kids and dogs. And one other thing, Karen did not want to leave her home state of South Carolina.

Two years after high school Karen met Mike who was an electronic engineer. To make a long story short, Mike and Karen fell in love and decided to get married. But not long after they got engaged Mike was offered a great paying job in Chicago. He didn’t hesitate, think twice, or even discuss the opportunity with Karen before accepting the offer.

He moved to Chicago, got an apartment, and Mike and Karen got married two months later. Karen hated Chicago. She was lonely. By the way, Karen was an animal lover that had always had dogs – this apartment did not allow pets. Mike did not want kids right away; he wanted to get his career established first.

When the couple finally went shopping for a home of their own Mike wanted a newly built home. Karen wanted out of the city completely. Problems began to develop between the two of them. Fast forward two years later, Karen and Mike divorced. Fast forward two more years, Karen meets John.

John works in construction. He wants nothing more than a home of his own and a family. Karen and John fall in love and get married. Fast forward to today, Karen and John live in a house that is over 100 years old and they are happily raising three children together.

The real point of this article is that sharing goals and dreams is essential to the success of a relationship. In this example, if Karen and Mike had openly discussed how strongly each felt about various things perhaps they would have been saved from the distress of a divorce. After all, they had different dreams for their lives. It would have been almost impossible for them to work together toward any real goal unless they discussed the issue and came to a compromise.

Goals and dreams should be talked about early in a relationship. Not only should your partner share the same values and ethics as you but if you are not working toward the same ‘dreams’ then you are growing apart. Other issues that should be discussed are things like views about how children should be raised, i.e., views about discipline and schooling.

Religion can sometimes cause problems in a relationship. If both partners are very active in different religions there can be a real dilemma when deciding which religion to raise the children in. Money is another big issue. Some people are spenders and some are savers. The more details that couples discuss early on means fewer problems are likely to surface later.

As much as we would like to have relationships that are always trouble-free few of us do. The fact is that life happens to us no matter how hard we try to make things seem like a fantasy world. We are humans and humans make mistakes. Sometimes our problems stem from things that are seemingly out of our control, such as the loss of work. Other times a relationship may face the difficulty of working through the heartache of one partner having an affair.

During such times it is very easy to blame each other. Guilt and blame are common and natural responses when there are problems. When we can make someone else responsible for the troubles we are dealing with it relieves us of any fault or guilt. Therefore, we are free to display our emotions as anger rather than feelings of hurt, disappointment, frustration, desperation, or any other emotion that may be less desirable than anger.

There is a reason that this can be therapeutic for the individual. When you consider the emotions listed above you can see that anger is a more advantageous sensation because it allows you to feel stronger than the other emotions allow. But if the anger is misdirected it can damage your relationship beyond repair.

During troubled times, ideally the two of you will find strength in each other. This is usually possible if the relationship has a strong foundation. The truth is that solid relationships can often survive financial difficulties, a disloyal partner, or any number of problems, as long as the couple works through the difficulties together.

The first step is acknowledging that there is a problem. Then the couple will need to openly discuss how the issue makes them feel. For example, if a couple is facing bankruptcy they are probably afraid of what the future might bring. If a partner had an affair there is probably a lot of hurt and distrust. Talking about the situation is important so that each partner understands how the other feels. It should also be understood that there will be days when things will seem worse than other days.

Work out a plan of attack for those bad days. A simple idea for the couple that has financial problems could be that they go for a walk in the park or spend time together doing some favorite hobby. Maybe they enjoy watching old movies and eating popcorn. Whatever it is that generally makes them happy and that will take their mind off their troubles is good. The point is to rejoice in the fact that even during hard times you have a deep-seated love that will get you through together. Working together as a team, as partners to get through the rough times helps to build new bonds. And when it’s all over, your relationship will be even stronger.

Couples usually start out with hot relationships. They simply cannot get enough of each other. In the early stages they want to look their best each time they will be seeing their new partner and when they are not together they are wondering what he/she is doing. That results in phone calls, emails, and text messages that often say nothing more than “Hello, I’m thinking of you”.

But for many of us, as time goes on it seems that life takes over. Our relationship continues but so does everything else. And in the progress we sometimes lose touch with what is really important. Our priorities get confused and we forget to make those phone calls and emails to remind our partner that we think about them throughout the day. We may also decide that because our partner knows that we have to get cleaned up on a daily basis for our job that when we are home it is good to relax. They understand that we don’t want to worry with our hair and clothes all the time.

Okay, I’m sure you are getting the idea of this article. We sort of get sloppy with our relationships over time. It’s not that we don’t care as much. In fact, if anything, our love is probably stronger than ever. Unfortunately we don’t show it nearly as much. Why not surprise your partner with a very special night at home? Here’s how! Begin by planning ahead.

Everyone loves gifts so plan ahead and have a gift ready. Depending on your budget this could be just about anything. Some suggestions include the following: a nice candle, a negligee, bath oil, perfume, or jewelry for women; and for men consider cologne, or perhaps even something related to a favorite hobby. Don’t forget to include a card that says something sweet and romantic.

If you cannot cook purchase a nice sized basket. Go shopping to fill it with some great food to use for a bedroom picnic. If you can cook, then plan to prepare a glorious meal to eat by candle light.

Get home before your partner and leave a trail of flower petals or alternatively, small pieces of torn colored paper, leading to where you want them to go (bedroom, bathroom, dining room, etc,). Don’t try to force the evening to end up in any particular way, just be charming. The goal is to bring back a little romance and then to keep it there.

During the evening tell your partner that you’ve noticed that you have neglected some of the little things you used to do. Explain that you will put more effort into including those things in your days. Then keep your word.