Dating and Relationships

Posts Tagged ‘help with my relationship’

There are many couples who decide to live together when the urge to have sex is decreasing, but according to the sexologists when you do not have sex steadily over time you lose that desire. So, Sexless relationships, can they work?

In general, if the couple still wants to and cannot have sex because one is tired or have no time then it does not produce any kind of conflict, but in the event that a person has an urge to have sex and the other is not cooperating then several conflicts arise, which can lead to infidelity and cause separation.

Do not be surprised if your partner gives you the excuses like stress, lack of sleep, depression, among others. If the two cannot solve this problem, the best option is to consult a physician or a psychologist. So, Sexless relationships, can they work?

We all know the importance of sex in couples. This not only has to do with the frequency of sex in these relationships, but also the quality. Over time, experts argue that the passion is lost and the relationship centers on the love and companionship. How far is this true? Sexless relationships, can they work?

It is partly true that over a period of time, love takes the front seat in any relationship and sex might take the back seat. But still, sex can be considered as one of the major elements in any relationship and it cannot be completely ignored. This is because sex multiplies the desire for each other and it is the spice of any relationship. This is the reason why you need to give it a bit of attention apart from love and companionship. Plan to take some time out of your busy schedule and try to spend that time with your partner. Not only that, make sure that you have sex at least once in every week if not every day. Also be completely aware of the other person’s needs for sex in a relationship. If you completely ignore the other person’s needs then there are chances that he or she might want to stray out for the sake of sex. This is completely unhealthy for the relationship and might cause separation or a divorce.

So, Sexless relationships, can they work? The chances are very little. So it is better to maintain that fire till the last breath. If you cannot maintain the frequency it is not a problem but if sex complete lacks in the relationship then there are the chances that the relationship might completely lose the beauty. So make sure you maintain physical intimacy as much as possible in the relationship. Sex is one of the most important needs of the human body apart from food and clothing. So, one should completely attend this particular need in order to lead a harmonious and healthy life. When it comes to maintaining a relationship, sex is one of the most important factors apart from love and proper understanding.

When we first begin a relationship our life partner we are likely to want to spend every possible moment with our new mate. Most of us find this new person irresistible, we simply cannot get enough of them. During this initial phase we are learning about them, and for most of us we are hanging on every word they say and listening intently. Most people feel full of joy and see life through rose colored glasses during this stage. This stage, not surprisingly, is referred to as ‘the Honeymoon’ stage.

The stage of a relationship is a phase of discovery. We have become accustomed to seeing our partner so some of the initial excitement is over. During this stage we discover each other’s little quirks and things that make the person human. This phase is when most couples begin to really open up to one another on a consistent basis about their deep thoughts and feelings. Emotional intimacy can become a true reality during this phase.

Once you have come this far most couples agree that it is time to commit to each other. After all, they feel very comfortable with each other and they have shared intimate details about their lives with one another. They have acknowledged that each of them have flaws but they’ve accepted them.

The fourth stage is sometimes referred to as the ‘Power Struggle’ phase. This is the stage where many couples give up – they end their relationship. Power struggles are never comfortable and they are difficult to work through. They usually seem to come from out of nowhere, leaving the partners wondering what went wrong. This is one of those times that the partners have to remember that magical word called ‘compromise’. Communication is vital during such phases.

After the power struggle is resolved the couple will probably move into a stage of growth where feelings of intimacy between them are intensified and the bonds are stronger than ever. Each has learned something new about the other and hopefully each has accepted his/her feelings and views. Because they have weathered a storm together and come through it still holding hands the couple is more in love than ever. It’s great food for the soul.

And not surprisingly, this newfound intimacy often leads to a second phase of what many call a Honeymoon stage. The couple feels great about being together and the bonds are stronger than ever. In the best and healthiest relationships this phase will last indefinitely.

So what was left out? Well, lots of things really. There are phases that focus on such things as having kids, or starting a new business, or any other project that is time and thought demanding. The reason the couple will go through changes during such times is because as one or both partners is giving time and attention to a baby, a new job, a new business, or whatever, the other partner may feel left out, lonely, ignored, neglected, or even jealous. And when that happens the partners have to work through the difficulties and find common ground and compromises that work for both of them.

There are also stages that focus on hardships that could include almost anything that one or both partners finds disturbing. Sometimes it is as tragic as a death of a parent, sibling or child, and other times it may be bankruptcy or health issues that must be addressed.

The reality is that relationships consist of living beings that are closely connected. Relationships themselves take on a life of their own. They have to be nurtured and cared for if they are to thrive. People in the relationships need to understand that there will be phases to their relationship and this is the normal progression of things. This understanding will make the ups and downs of life and how they affect the couple easier to accept. In the end, the couple is likely to learn that each change can be an opportunity for bringing them closer and making their bonds stronger.

No matter who you, or what stage of life you’re in, or whether you are married, engaged, living with a partner, or you just met someone, or even are hoping to meet someone – we all have one thing in common; all of us start out alone. Before each and every relationship we have at least some alone time.

I believe the alone time is probably some of the most valuable time we ever get. This time allows us an opportunity to get to know ourselves and knowing we really know who we are we can better contribute to others in our life and to the world in general.

I’m not talking about hocus pocus or make believe stuff here. I’m talking about knowing what is truly important in our own world. You could start out with a focus on such things as ethics, morals, and even religious beliefs. These are some of the things that are at the core of who we are. Our true understanding of these issues in ourselves can serve to help us choose someone that is compatible.

Let’s face it, few of us would choose to partner up with a thief.  But how do you feel about a partner that would do such things as keep extra change that was mistakenly handed to him/her after a purchase. Or what about cheating on a test? For some of us these things are acceptable, but for others they are not.

I believe life is full of lessons. Some lessons we learn because we seek out knowledge and understanding, and other times it simply happens. I also believe that we can learn something from everyone we meet. And because I believe that way it is easier to deal with lots of situations. This includes even situations like finding out a partner is cheating or even making the discovery that a relationship is simply not going to work.

You see, even the wrong partner has a valuable lesson to teach, and that doomed relationship takes us closer to the one that we really want.

When we really seek to learn what we can from the individuals in our life we learn more about ourselves. One way to do this is to try to imagine being that other person and how he/she must feel about various issues. Try to determine what makes them tick and to understand then why they behave or do the things they do. Believe me, you will learn much about yourself, as well as the psychology of behaviors.

After you figure exactly the type of person that you want as a partner the next step is make yourself the ideal person for that individual. I know this sounds hokey, but think about it; if this other person is as special as you want them to be, then they want and deserve a wonderful partner, right? It only makes sense to work at turning yourself into that person. But be prepared to work at this. It could require giving up some bad habits or simply becoming more fit by taking better care of yourself.

Most of us have been in this situation at one time or another; we have a good friend that we are very close to, in fact, we have become so close to this friend that the friendship feels like much more. How do you know when the friendship has become an affair or a relationship?

On the surface this may seem very simple. You will say that a friendship is when two people are just that – they are friends and nothing more. But does it make a difference how close these friends can be if the friends involved in this friendship have partners? After all, some people use the ole line of saying that they are only friends to cover up an affair or relationship.

In essence, if we have any association with a person, we have a relationship with them. The association can then be defined as a friendship, working relationship, etc. Speaking of working relationships, we spend more of our waking hours with the people we work with than we do our family and friends. There simply isn’t any choice if we are working full time.

That makes it very easy to develop strong ties with those individuals – especially if we also go out to lunch with them and socialize with them after work hours. The point is that these people can become a very important part of our life. So where do we draw the line? Or do we allow our partners to set the boundaries?

First things first: it is true that friendships sometimes develop that are intense. For whatever reason the ‘friends’ are attracted to each other in more than a casual sense and have desires. Let’s be frank, as a human being one can sense when there is a physical attraction. Whether this is pheromones or simply due to the appearance and mannerisms of the partners involved, the attraction between the two is sensed. Deciding whether to act on it is what matters.

Every couple should have a discussion about what is and isn’t acceptable as far as friendships and flirting goes. In reality, having friends of all kinds is a good thing. It offers the opportunity to get insights from a variety of people which can broaden one’s way of thinking. Some couples are very open to outside friends and others are not. Extreme jealousy can often cause problems in a relationship.

Is flirting with others okay? Does it mean your partner wants someone else? When you see your partner flirt with someone else it may startle you and even hurt your feelings. But think about this: flirting in and of itself is harmless. It can be fun and make us feel good about ourselves when it is reciprocated. Why not let your partner have a little fun? Of course, if the action is a regular behavior then it can become annoying – but still rather harmless.

When a new relationship begins we are enthralled with the possibilities of what the future may hold. After all, it seems we have found someone that we really connect with – someone that we can love and who loves us back. And for most people, this early stage in the relationship, the honeymoon phase, is fun, interesting, and seems as though it will never end. But sadly, for many couples, the newness wears off and the romance subsides sooner than they would like.

So what goes wrong? Is it that the partners become too comfortable with each other and therefore they take advantage of each other’s good nature? Or does the love slowly dissipate for other reasons?

From personal experience I can tell you that any number of things can happen. Taking each other for granted is very common. The fact is that in the beginning we are thrilled to have a new person in our life. We do whatever we can to spend time with that person. And we are more tolerant of his or her strange ways; in fact, we may find those little quirks to be cute or to make that person special.

But for many of us as time goes on we eventually realize that those same ‘cute little things’ that made our new partner unique become annoying. And instead of appreciating our partner for the individual that he or she is, we begin to accept the fact that the person is a part of our life and that person simply has some annoying habits that we would like to change.

Obviously, this is unfair. All of us are unique and all of us have personality quirks. We do not expect that someone will ever ask us to change our little quirks. Let’s face it, being accepted just the way we are is important to us.

Another thing that happens is that we expect our partner to make us happy. That is so unfair! The reality is that each of us are responsible for our own happiness. We need to work at finding happiness and let that shine through in our relationships with others.

Jealousy is often a culprit in relationships. Knowing and understanding what each partner deems as acceptable in the relationship is vital to a lasting relationship.

If couples work at respecting each other from the start for who they really are the likelihood that the relationship will last is greatly improved. It’s often when one or both partners begin expecting changes that trouble begins.

Relationships with a solid foundation can survive even the hardest of times. The need is that the relationship be based on a true friendship that is given without conditions. Unconditional love, as it is referred to, is a love that accepts the other person just as they are. There are no requirements other than love and friendship.

Such relationships strengthen over time. In other words, as they age and season, the partners grow to respect each other even more. And in that way, the relationship continues getting better with age.

As much as we would like to have relationships that are always trouble-free few of us do. The fact is that life happens to us no matter how hard we try to make things seem like a fantasy world. We are humans and humans make mistakes. Sometimes our problems stem from things that are seemingly out of our control, such as the loss of work. Other times a relationship may face the difficulty of working through the heartache of one partner having an affair.

During such times it is very easy to blame each other. Guilt and blame are common and natural responses when there are problems. When we can make someone else responsible for the troubles we are dealing with it relieves us of any fault or guilt. Therefore, we are free to display our emotions as anger rather than feelings of hurt, disappointment, frustration, desperation, or any other emotion that may be less desirable than anger.

There is a reason that this can be therapeutic for the individual. When you consider the emotions listed above you can see that anger is a more advantageous sensation because it allows you to feel stronger than the other emotions allow. But if the anger is misdirected it can damage your relationship beyond repair.

During troubled times, ideally the two of you will find strength in each other. This is usually possible if the relationship has a strong foundation. The truth is that solid relationships can often survive financial difficulties, a disloyal partner, or any number of problems, as long as the couple works through the difficulties together.

The first step is acknowledging that there is a problem. Then the couple will need to openly discuss how the issue makes them feel. For example, if a couple is facing bankruptcy they are probably afraid of what the future might bring. If a partner had an affair there is probably a lot of hurt and distrust. Talking about the situation is important so that each partner understands how the other feels. It should also be understood that there will be days when things will seem worse than other days.

Work out a plan of attack for those bad days. A simple idea for the couple that has financial problems could be that they go for a walk in the park or spend time together doing some favorite hobby. Maybe they enjoy watching old movies and eating popcorn. Whatever it is that generally makes them happy and that will take their mind off their troubles is good. The point is to rejoice in the fact that even during hard times you have a deep-seated love that will get you through together. Working together as a team, as partners to get through the rough times helps to build new bonds. And when it’s all over, your relationship will be even stronger.

Couples usually start out with hot relationships. They simply cannot get enough of each other. In the early stages they want to look their best each time they will be seeing their new partner and when they are not together they are wondering what he/she is doing. That results in phone calls, emails, and text messages that often say nothing more than “Hello, I’m thinking of you”.

But for many of us, as time goes on it seems that life takes over. Our relationship continues but so does everything else. And in the progress we sometimes lose touch with what is really important. Our priorities get confused and we forget to make those phone calls and emails to remind our partner that we think about them throughout the day. We may also decide that because our partner knows that we have to get cleaned up on a daily basis for our job that when we are home it is good to relax. They understand that we don’t want to worry with our hair and clothes all the time.

Okay, I’m sure you are getting the idea of this article. We sort of get sloppy with our relationships over time. It’s not that we don’t care as much. In fact, if anything, our love is probably stronger than ever. Unfortunately we don’t show it nearly as much. Why not surprise your partner with a very special night at home? Here’s how! Begin by planning ahead.

Everyone loves gifts so plan ahead and have a gift ready. Depending on your budget this could be just about anything. Some suggestions include the following: a nice candle, a negligee, bath oil, perfume, or jewelry for women; and for men consider cologne, or perhaps even something related to a favorite hobby. Don’t forget to include a card that says something sweet and romantic.

If you cannot cook purchase a nice sized basket. Go shopping to fill it with some great food to use for a bedroom picnic. If you can cook, then plan to prepare a glorious meal to eat by candle light.

Get home before your partner and leave a trail of flower petals or alternatively, small pieces of torn colored paper, leading to where you want them to go (bedroom, bathroom, dining room, etc,). Don’t try to force the evening to end up in any particular way, just be charming. The goal is to bring back a little romance and then to keep it there.

During the evening tell your partner that you’ve noticed that you have neglected some of the little things you used to do. Explain that you will put more effort into including those things in your days. Then keep your word.

This situation actually happens to guys more often than it does to females; but it can happen to either gender. You meet someone that you are interested in. You don’t want to seem pushy so you work at developing a friendship as a foundation to a relationship.

In lots of ways this is a good tactic. Relationships that have a solid foundation of friendship are strong. The partners are friends as well as lovers; this creates a bond that can withstand difficult periods. 

But there are some cases in which one partner never sees beyond the friendship. In fact, he or she may feel so comfortable in this friendship that discussing feelings and desires for other people comes easily. You may hear that your ‘friend’ thinks of you like a brother or sister. This level of comfort is rare in any relationship and therefore the ‘friend’ truly values the connection that he/she has with you.

The problem is that you want nothing more than to be his/her one and only. But the reality is that your friend has blatantly told you that you are like a family member. That says a lot about the relationship.

You can continue to pursue a more meaningful relationship, hoping for one that is full of a deep and intimate love, or you can accept the bond for the wonderful things that it offers. Having a friend of the opposite sex can provide lots of benefits in many ways. It provides a way for you to gain insight into how the other half thinks.

However, if being with this person causes more hurt than happiness then the relationship is a waste of your time. Always remember to be kind to yourself and remove any unnecessary stress and negativity from your life. This is not to say that you have to completely give up the friendship, but you might want to consider putting some space between you and this person.

The fact is that others may see you as a couple, and this could prevent you from meeting someone that would actually value you in the way that you deserve. Ideally you can maintain this friendship while moving on with your life. If your ‘friend’ truly feels about you in the way that he/she says then he/she will be happy to help you in the pursuit of a lasting and meaningful relationship, one that is fulfilling in every way. In fact, they may know someone that is perfect for you!

You have to decide if you can adapt to the situation, that is, if you can accept that your ‘friend’ is not interested in developing an intimate relationship with you. If you can get past that then the friendship may flourish, if not, then it may be best to slowly phase out the time you spend together.

So you have noticed that things are not going so well. You no longer look forward to meeting your partner and the days that you spend with each other seem to be few and far between and all you can think about is when you want to get back home and sleep. Sex is a distant memory between the two of you and you struggle to find things to talk about.

These are some of the warning signs that the relationship is like a white dwarf heading towards a black hole – heading towards oblivion and it is up to you to save this relationship before things get out of hand you both find yourselves on the road to separate lives. What happened? Things were going so well before and suddenly that magic train just got derailed and you are left stranded on an island of mutual resentment. It is time to talk about things.

Open up, communicate. It is common in these stages of the relationship that the partners just avoid the subject completely, letting it fester and grow into an endemic so out of control that it just slices the connection the both of you had together. Sit down and find a quiet place and talk about things. Find out what the problem is and what is bothering one another. Try to find resolutions through dialogue. Communication here is key. For example, the woman in the relationship could have been feeling that her man did not find her attractive enough. That could fester into a debilitating problem of avoidance of physical contact and an exaggerated jealous streak that could end up hurting both parties. If they talked about it, they could find ways to resolve the issue, or find out the real reasons behind their distance and work together to resolve it. This is what you need to do. Talk and talk some more. Find mutual grounds of understanding. It is also time to bring in more excitement into your lives.

Surely by now your relationship has settled into a routine and you realise that boredom is taking over. Get spicy and get excited. Plan for outings and shared experiences like playing games together or going to the beach for a swim. Remind one another why you guys loved each other and have fun together, it is one of the best ways to save a relationship. And the last one discussed here today is one of the hardest things to do – spend some time away from each other. Take a month off. A cooling off period can be just the sort of thing you need to reflect on your lives, one another and perhaps start to miss each other again, rekindling the old emotions that were always there. This are some of the super tips that you can use to save your relationship, but remember, everyone is different so think about what the problems are before you approach them. Always use love as a tool to save a relationship, look into each others eyes and remind one another of the love that you once had.

Whether you are fresh out of a relationship or you’ve never been in one, there are some preparations that can help insure your readiness for the experience. You have probably heard the saying that before you can love someone else you have to love yourself. In discussing how to prepare yourself for a relationship that thought is very important.

One of the first things anyone desiring a relationship should do is get to know himself. This means knowing the person inside. Too many people never take the time to understand what it is that they personally want out of life. That knowledge will help to determine the type of person that will be a good partner for you.

But before we talk about the really deep stuff we should probably start with the basics that involve the here and now. When you decide you are ready for a relationship you are making the decision to include another person in your life in an intimate way. This might mean simply spending time together going out on dates but it could develop into a live-in situation or even marriage.

With that being said it is important that you have at least some ideas about what a relationship means to you. For most people, a relationship has to be built on trust and understanding. Some couples prefer a certain amount of freedom while others choose to spend as much time together as possible.

Consider ahead of time how much room in your life there is for another person and just how they would ideally fit in. If you have hobbies that interest you they should not have to be neglected in order to pursue a relationship. Just as a side note, perhaps there are clubs or organizations for people with the same interests. Someone from there could possibly be the ideal partner.

Other things to consider include your values, morals, and religious beliefs (or lack of), and how important it is to you that your partner shares in those. After all, some things are real deal breakers and the sooner you know about them the better. The point being, if you determine ahead of time what is or isn’t important to you then you can better decide who will make a good partner for you. You will know the things to look for in deciding who you want to get involved with for the long term.

Some of the things that should be considered include where you want to live, the type of place you want to live in, if you want children, if so, how many and what parenting style do you believe is best, and the list goes on. When you have found someone that you believe is right for you, based on your relationship criteria, you can then begin to build a relationship. Because the two of you have so many basic things in common the relationship will have a solid foundation.

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