Dating and Relationships

As much as we would like to find a wonderful relationship that maintains itself – it’s not going to happen. Relationships require work. It’s as simple as that. Of course, for some people the work is not as difficult as it is for others – but that does not mean that they don’t apply themselves to make the relationship last.

It’s similar to good health; some people have found easy ways to incorporate a healthy way of living into their daily lifestyle which helps to keep them physically fit. Other people stay fit by going to the gym regularly and sticking to a strict diet. Both approaches work, but one seems much easier than the other. However, even incorporating healthy eating and exercise into your daily life takes some effort.

When it comes to relationships, one of the most important things anyone can do is take responsibility for their own feelings and needs. No one else can be responsible for making you feel happy and secure – you have to do that yourself. This is done by treating yourself with kindness and in a caring way.

An example of how this works is examining a situation in which your partner is not feeling interested in you. This makes you feel abandoned and lost. Ask yourself why. Do not blame your partner for the way you feel, instead, look deep inside to see what it is about you that is making you feel that way. Keep in mind that you are responsible for your feelings.

While you treat yourself with kindness, compassion, understanding and acceptance, you should do the same for your partner. This usually brings the same treatment back to you. However, you do need to know that you cannot make your partner change – you can only change yourself. So if you happen to be in a relationship with someone that is consistently angry, blaming, jealous, withdrawn, or unavailable to you, then you need to either accept that sort of relationship or leave it.

When conflicts arise you have a choice to make. You can either choose to learn more about your partner and yourself by discovering the true sources of the conflict, or you can work to control the situation. The first choice allows you to educate yourself in a way that will be beneficial now and in the future. The second choice may allow you to ‘win’ this conflict, but it will do nothing to help the long term success of your relationship.

All healthy relationships include fun – which can mean different things to different couples. Some couples prefer quiet romantic dinners and others enjoy exciting times together. Whatever it is that the two of you enjoy together, it should be included on a regular basis.

When it comes to dating some people will date just about anyone to avoid sitting at home. This seems to be a personality type that simply enjoys being around people. But others are very selective. For them a date should be an event with a special person and the date itself should be special.

The problem is in deciding on how to make a date special. Deciding how and where to begin planning a date to remember really can be easy, that is, if you follow a few basic tips.

Hopefully you know something about your date. If you don’t then you need to ask prior to time for planning the date. After all, the date is about fun for the two of you. With that being said, you obviously want to make the date fun.

Leaving a lasting impression is easier when you do something out of the ordinary. This really isn’t hard to do. An example could be that your date loves a certain type of music by a particular artist. Depending on your budget you could do any one of the following:

• Purchase a CD of the music and play it as the two of you eat a meal (even a picnic style meal)
• Go out to a nightclub that has that type of live music
• Attend a live concert of the favorite artist

It is very important to note that your date should not end with one event, not if you want it to be memorable. Instead, when you leave one place you should go to another. This place should also be an uncommon place for a date. Examples include zoos, museums, roller skating and art galleries. The point is to do something that will make this time with you different than times with other people.

Because you want this date to be special you should also consider the fact that you will need to be comfortable. If dressing up is uncomfortable for you then consider planning the date around casual settings. You see, your discomfort could result in you not being as good natured or cheerful as you would like to be. You definitely do not want this date to be remembered in a negative sense.

If you are concerned about running out of things to say then work on it beforehand and plan your date at places that will not require a lot of talking. If you go out to dinner you will be expected to make conversation. In comparison, going to a concert allows little chance for discussions. Planning ahead is essential.

The good thing about having a memorable date with someone is that it leaves a nice impression and your partner will be ready to go out with you again. Remember that memorable dates can happen on any type of budget. Picnics in front of a fireplace or in the park are not only memorable and romantic, they are also cheap. Just use your imagination.

If I asked you to define flirting, what would you say? How do you know when someone is flirting with you? Do you believe flirting is beneficial or harmful to relationships? To answer any of these questions we must first agree on a working definition of what flirting really is.

Flirting is a form of communication that happens between two people that indicates the other is playfully interested in either getting to know the other one better or taking the relationship a little farther. Flirting can take many forms. Flirting can be the wink of an eye. Flirting can be a comment that can be both suggestive and innocent. Flirting can be a casual touch of the hand to the shoulder. Flirting can be a shy smile with down turned face and upturned eyes. Okay, that is the way we will think of flirting as we continue this article. Now it is time to discuss why flirting can be beneficial to a relationship.

Let’s face it; most relationships start out with at least a little flirting. Flirting allows one person an avenue to use to let another person know that he/she is interested in getting to know him/her better. Being on the receiving end of flirting is fun and it can make us feel attractive. We know that someone sees something in us that is interesting in some way.

Whether we admit it or not, we enjoy knowing that other people like the way we look. Being flirted with can help to build our self-confidence. Feeling attractive and interesting is a good feeling and we tend to gravitate toward people that make us feel good – which means, flirting can often be an effective way of getting someone’s attention.

Obviously, many relationships begin and are built with various flirting techniques. This is often how we meet and establish a connection. Later, flirting is important to relationships because it signals an intimate connection to your partner. Nothing makes a woman feel better than to know that she and her man have a lingering connection, and nothing can bring up that feeling in her quite like an innocent-but-more flirt from across the room at a crowded gathering. It is as if the whole world disappears for just a moment and there is nothing and no one but the two people involved.

But before we go any further – it is important to know that men also enjoy and appreciate being flirted with. After all, just like women, men like to feel attractive and interesting. This means that flirting can be a very effective tool for women to have at their disposal.

Studies show that flirting is important to relationships even when the relationship has been ongoing for years; that is because it makes the couple feel good about themselves, their partner, and the relationship in general. Why is flirting important to relationships?

It keeps a little sizzle going and makes you feel great, sexy, and wanted. The idea is that flirting sends signals to the recipient that is between the two of you. When you and your partner are out with friends or even when you are home alone, practice flirting with him/her just as you did when you first met. Keeping a little play and fun in the relationship helps to keep the zest alive.

Few of us make it through life without suffering the anguish of a difficult break up. Unfortunately, some of us go through more than one break up. And depending on the unique situation, a break up can be the start of something much better.

However, it is not easy to visualize that when your heart is breaking and all you want to do is go back in time; back to when you and your ex were together. But focusing on the past will not help to move you forward. The past should definitely be analyzed in a way that will help to determine what went wrong. Knowing what was wrong will allow you to work on resolving that issue in future relationships.

A first step after a break up is to simply take some time for yourself. Allow time for sadness and even self-pity if you believe it will make you feel better, but, and this but is extremely important; put a time limit on it. You see, if you spend too much time crying and feeling sorry for yourself you will soon become stagnant. In other words you won’t be moving forward with your life. So decide from the start that you will give yourself 3 days, 5 days, or even a week for the initial feelings of gloom to settle. Then you can begin to move forward.

A good start is to be nice to you. Consider what is missing from your life that you could easily add and do it. Have you neglected a hobby that you once loved?  Have you let yourself get out of shape? What about your home, is it clean and tidy? Perhaps there is some type of self-improvement book or course that would not only be interesting, but in the end might even make you a better person.

You will find more time for the things that matter to you and at the same time you’ll create a person that is very desirable to others. Your self-esteem will improve and your new hobbies will make you a more interesting individual. But of course, during all this time you will have been thinking over your past relationship. By now you will have a good idea about what went wrong and why. And because you have had a break from your ex you know now if you really want to pursue rekindling that relationship. But you also know that taking care of yourself and remembering who you are is important.

You see, sometimes we get so caught up in loving someone that we forget to love ourselves. When that happens we tend to neglect our own needs and in the process we can lose touch with who we really are. And unfortunately that can make us much less interesting to the one person we want most to impress. It can become a vicious cycle.

Life has taught you unavoidable lessons. You are stronger than ever and you know what is important to you. This knowledge is powerful because you can now be involved in a relationship without being defined by it.

There have always been issues with infidelity in relationships but the Internet has opened up new opportunities for cheaters. But perhaps even more than that, the Internet has provided ways for people that otherwise would never have been involved in an affair to cheat on their spouse.

Few homes are without a computer nowadays and most homes have Internet access. There are literally thousands of online places that people can meet and get to know each other. And just like in the real world, some of these places are somewhat innocent and others may not be so innocent.

For example, there are all sorts of forums for people with similar likes and interests. People join forums for support and to meet new friends that they can learn from. Sometimes a friendship can grow. The outcome is rather obvious.

As the friendship develops strange things can happen. One subject can lead to another and soon the couple can be talking about topics that are totally unrelated to the initial subject that brought them together. If they continue to bond the friendship will deepen. They may begin feeling that they can share details of their life with each other.

The truth is that the anonymity offered by the Internet makes many people feel secure enough to open up in ways that they will not do in person. In this way their online friends and partners can learn more about them faster than they would if they met in person.

There are also Internet forums and chat rooms set up for specifically for online affair seekers. Yes, believe it or not, there really are such places. But what really makes an affair an affair? Does sex have to be involved?

Well, technically speaking, no. Most experts agree that intimate communication with anyone besides your committed partner is considered a betrayal. This would include discussions about what you and your partner would normally only talk about with each other. But the reality is that each of us has our own opinions about what cheating really is.

You may wonder if there are signs you can look for in a spouse having an online affair. The answer is yes. Some of the most obvious are that he/she may begin spending more and more time on the Internet. They may stay up very late at night or even get up extra early to spend time ‘alone and undisturbed’ online. You may notice that he/she closes out programs when you enter the room. You may not have access to all programs, etc. of the computer. Your partner may seem to be moodier than usual and has less desire to spend time with you and the children.

These signs are the same that you would see in a partner having any other type of affair. If you notice these problems you need to confront your partner about the situation. Find out how serious it is so you know what you are dealing with.

If you are lucky enough to finally meet the partner of your dreams then let me say, ‘Congratulations’. Some people go through their whole life and never meet anyone that they feel is right for them. As children, most of us dream about growing up and being with someone we love for the rest of our life.

Some of us have those dreams worked out to the very last detail. We know what kind of person we want to be with, we know what kind of wedding we want (if we want a wedding at all), we know how many kids we want, etc., etc. So after we find that perfect partner we can start working on the ‘rest of the story’ and building our life just the way we pictured it.

To stress the point of this article I am going to use an example of a friend of mine, actually, my best friend from high school, Karen. You need to know that one of Karen’s dreams was to live in an old house, a fixer-upper. Karen also wanted a house full of kids and dogs. And one other thing, Karen did not want to leave her home state of South Carolina.

Two years after high school Karen met Mike who was an electronic engineer. To make a long story short, Mike and Karen fell in love and decided to get married. But not long after they got engaged Mike was offered a great paying job in Chicago. He didn’t hesitate, think twice, or even discuss the opportunity with Karen before accepting the offer.

He moved to Chicago, got an apartment, and Mike and Karen got married two months later. Karen hated Chicago. She was lonely. By the way, Karen was an animal lover that had always had dogs – this apartment did not allow pets. Mike did not want kids right away; he wanted to get his career established first.

When the couple finally went shopping for a home of their own Mike wanted a newly built home. Karen wanted out of the city completely. Problems began to develop between the two of them. Fast forward two years later, Karen and Mike divorced. Fast forward two more years, Karen meets John.

John works in construction. He wants nothing more than a home of his own and a family. Karen and John fall in love and get married. Fast forward to today, Karen and John live in a house that is over 100 years old and they are happily raising three children together.

The real point of this article is that sharing goals and dreams is essential to the success of a relationship. In this example, if Karen and Mike had openly discussed how strongly each felt about various things perhaps they would have been saved from the distress of a divorce. After all, they had different dreams for their lives. It would have been almost impossible for them to work together toward any real goal unless they discussed the issue and came to a compromise.

Goals and dreams should be talked about early in a relationship. Not only should your partner share the same values and ethics as you but if you are not working toward the same ‘dreams’ then you are growing apart. Other issues that should be discussed are things like views about how children should be raised, i.e., views about discipline and schooling.

Religion can sometimes cause problems in a relationship. If both partners are very active in different religions there can be a real dilemma when deciding which religion to raise the children in. Money is another big issue. Some people are spenders and some are savers. The more details that couples discuss early on means fewer problems are likely to surface later.

Most of us are very busy in our chaotic lives. We have work and families and of course we also want our ‘me’ time. When it comes to finding time for our relationships, some of us seem to do a better job than others. Even though we see all the commercials for chocolates and flowers, we just don’t seem to take the hints. We need a real push to get us moving in the right direction.

Most of us are wonderful at remembering our special someone at Christmas, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and other such times, but it seems we forget the rest of the year. But your partner deserves to know that he/she is loved every day of the year.

During hard economic times most people are working with a very tight budget. That means the gifts they give may be very inexpensive. But not to worry; gifts from the heart are the best gifts of all. In fact, one of the all time favorite gifts is a special love note.

When you write this love note it needs to have real meaning. It shouldn’t just be a note that is sweet. Instead, make it very authentic and personalized. For example, you could talk about how the two of you met and mention one of the special things that you did together. Tip: bring back a special memory!

Talking about old times can bring a rush of emotions. This can result in urges to bring back the vitality that lives in fresh relationships. Both of you may feel a renewed love.

Maybe you don’t like to write or don’t feel like you are a good writer. Here’s an idea: make a list of the things or the reasons that you love your partner. Once again, make this personalized. You can list them in any order at all or you can prioritize them. You can call your list “The Top 25 Reasons That I Love You” or “50 Wonderful Things About You”, or whatever suits you.

The point is that this does not have to be hard at all. This list will be a treasured keepsake and it won’t cost you a penny!

If you really want to show him/her your love you can prepare a list each month of the year. Not only does this remind your partner of your love but it also reminds you of all the good things about your partner on a regular basis. The fact is that as we spend time with someone it becomes easier to take them for granted. By listing our partners qualities monthly we are less likely to let that happen.

In addition to writing these ‘notes’ each of us should practice ‘giving’ the gift of love to our partners on a daily basis. I am referring to showing our love through acts of kindness, perhaps with special looks and touches. Our partners should always feel secure about the fact that we love them. That is the greatest gift we can offer them.

As much as we would like to have relationships that are always trouble-free few of us do. The fact is that life happens to us no matter how hard we try to make things seem like a fantasy world. We are humans and humans make mistakes. Sometimes our problems stem from things that are seemingly out of our control, such as the loss of work. Other times a relationship may face the difficulty of working through the heartache of one partner having an affair.

During such times it is very easy to blame each other. Guilt and blame are common and natural responses when there are problems. When we can make someone else responsible for the troubles we are dealing with it relieves us of any fault or guilt. Therefore, we are free to display our emotions as anger rather than feelings of hurt, disappointment, frustration, desperation, or any other emotion that may be less desirable than anger.

There is a reason that this can be therapeutic for the individual. When you consider the emotions listed above you can see that anger is a more advantageous sensation because it allows you to feel stronger than the other emotions allow. But if the anger is misdirected it can damage your relationship beyond repair.

During troubled times, ideally the two of you will find strength in each other. This is usually possible if the relationship has a strong foundation. The truth is that solid relationships can often survive financial difficulties, a disloyal partner, or any number of problems, as long as the couple works through the difficulties together.

The first step is acknowledging that there is a problem. Then the couple will need to openly discuss how the issue makes them feel. For example, if a couple is facing bankruptcy they are probably afraid of what the future might bring. If a partner had an affair there is probably a lot of hurt and distrust. Talking about the situation is important so that each partner understands how the other feels. It should also be understood that there will be days when things will seem worse than other days.

Work out a plan of attack for those bad days. A simple idea for the couple that has financial problems could be that they go for a walk in the park or spend time together doing some favorite hobby. Maybe they enjoy watching old movies and eating popcorn. Whatever it is that generally makes them happy and that will take their mind off their troubles is good. The point is to rejoice in the fact that even during hard times you have a deep-seated love that will get you through together. Working together as a team, as partners to get through the rough times helps to build new bonds. And when it’s all over, your relationship will be even stronger.

Couples usually start out with hot relationships. They simply cannot get enough of each other. In the early stages they want to look their best each time they will be seeing their new partner and when they are not together they are wondering what he/she is doing. That results in phone calls, emails, and text messages that often say nothing more than “Hello, I’m thinking of you”.

But for many of us, as time goes on it seems that life takes over. Our relationship continues but so does everything else. And in the progress we sometimes lose touch with what is really important. Our priorities get confused and we forget to make those phone calls and emails to remind our partner that we think about them throughout the day. We may also decide that because our partner knows that we have to get cleaned up on a daily basis for our job that when we are home it is good to relax. They understand that we don’t want to worry with our hair and clothes all the time.

Okay, I’m sure you are getting the idea of this article. We sort of get sloppy with our relationships over time. It’s not that we don’t care as much. In fact, if anything, our love is probably stronger than ever. Unfortunately we don’t show it nearly as much. Why not surprise your partner with a very special night at home? Here’s how! Begin by planning ahead.

Everyone loves gifts so plan ahead and have a gift ready. Depending on your budget this could be just about anything. Some suggestions include the following: a nice candle, a negligee, bath oil, perfume, or jewelry for women; and for men consider cologne, or perhaps even something related to a favorite hobby. Don’t forget to include a card that says something sweet and romantic.

If you cannot cook purchase a nice sized basket. Go shopping to fill it with some great food to use for a bedroom picnic. If you can cook, then plan to prepare a glorious meal to eat by candle light.

Get home before your partner and leave a trail of flower petals or alternatively, small pieces of torn colored paper, leading to where you want them to go (bedroom, bathroom, dining room, etc,). Don’t try to force the evening to end up in any particular way, just be charming. The goal is to bring back a little romance and then to keep it there.

During the evening tell your partner that you’ve noticed that you have neglected some of the little things you used to do. Explain that you will put more effort into including those things in your days. Then keep your word.

You are lonely, you don’t have the time or you just can’t find the right person with speed dating services or going to clubs with your friends. I understand your problem because I was in the same predicament for many years. The problem with the real world is that most people tend to rush into things, often at the first things they see and the physical connection – a feature of the real world – undermines the emotional connection we should all feel before anyone jumps into a relationship with anyone else. We cant help it, we are ruled by carnal desires just as much as any animal out there, and this causes us to be led into pathways of mistakes and disappointments in our love lives.

Someone told me a long time ago about online dating services and yes, I was sceptical at first. I heard a lot of bad things about dating online, and there have been many horror stories about people meeting stalkers or psychos online. Things have changed. Structured and proper dating services do a lot of checks on their members and there are levels of security that they maintain within the website. There are also plenty of disclaimers in the website and some of them register with local law enforcement agencies to give that extra level of protection. But that’s just salt for flavour. It is down to you, you and you alone can make online dating successful. You have to want to find that special person online, you have to want to put in the extra work to find out all you can about your possible matches and work towards communication.

Communication is the most important thing before and after a relationship. And the internet is the ultimate platform of communication. There is a level of interactivity on the internet that closely mimics real life – with some extra added advantages. Its platform ensures that fears, doubts and even insecurities are wiped out – at least for a moment so that lines of dialogue can open and anyone can engage another person and maybe even connect with them on an emotional level. Who knows how far it can go from there? Who knows just who you might meet. Don’t look at online dating as the last chance for you to meet your special someone, look at it as an opportunity to rekindle your love life, put some excitement back into your days and nights and make you look forward to something when you wake up each and every morning.

This is the true beginners guide to online free dating – approach it with an open heart and an open mind. Think positive and look out for the gem that could put the light back into your life.   Thousands of people all over the world have found perfect happiness with online dating sites and you could be one of them. If you at any point of your life considered giving it a try I would say just go for it – who knows, there could be wedding bells in the near future.