Dating and Relationships

Archive for the ‘Relationship and Romance’ Category

If you are lucky enough to finally meet the partner of your dreams then let me say, ‘Congratulations’. Some people go through their whole life and never meet anyone that they feel is right for them. As children, most of us dream about growing up and being with someone we love for the rest of our life.

Some of us have those dreams worked out to the very last detail. We know what kind of person we want to be with, we know what kind of wedding we want (if we want a wedding at all), we know how many kids we want, etc., etc. So after we find that perfect partner we can start working on the ‘rest of the story’ and building our life just the way we pictured it.

To stress the point of this article I am going to use an example of a friend of mine, actually, my best friend from high school, Karen. You need to know that one of Karen’s dreams was to live in an old house, a fixer-upper. Karen also wanted a house full of kids and dogs. And one other thing, Karen did not want to leave her home state of South Carolina.

Two years after high school Karen met Mike who was an electronic engineer. To make a long story short, Mike and Karen fell in love and decided to get married. But not long after they got engaged Mike was offered a great paying job in Chicago. He didn’t hesitate, think twice, or even discuss the opportunity with Karen before accepting the offer.

He moved to Chicago, got an apartment, and Mike and Karen got married two months later. Karen hated Chicago. She was lonely. By the way, Karen was an animal lover that had always had dogs – this apartment did not allow pets. Mike did not want kids right away; he wanted to get his career established first.

When the couple finally went shopping for a home of their own Mike wanted a newly built home. Karen wanted out of the city completely. Problems began to develop between the two of them. Fast forward two years later, Karen and Mike divorced. Fast forward two more years, Karen meets John.

John works in construction. He wants nothing more than a home of his own and a family. Karen and John fall in love and get married. Fast forward to today, Karen and John live in a house that is over 100 years old and they are happily raising three children together.

The real point of this article is that sharing goals and dreams is essential to the success of a relationship. In this example, if Karen and Mike had openly discussed how strongly each felt about various things perhaps they would have been saved from the distress of a divorce. After all, they had different dreams for their lives. It would have been almost impossible for them to work together toward any real goal unless they discussed the issue and came to a compromise.

Goals and dreams should be talked about early in a relationship. Not only should your partner share the same values and ethics as you but if you are not working toward the same ‘dreams’ then you are growing apart. Other issues that should be discussed are things like views about how children should be raised, i.e., views about discipline and schooling.

Religion can sometimes cause problems in a relationship. If both partners are very active in different religions there can be a real dilemma when deciding which religion to raise the children in. Money is another big issue. Some people are spenders and some are savers. The more details that couples discuss early on means fewer problems are likely to surface later.

Most of us are very busy in our chaotic lives. We have work and families and of course we also want our ‘me’ time. When it comes to finding time for our relationships, some of us seem to do a better job than others. Even though we see all the commercials for chocolates and flowers, we just don’t seem to take the hints. We need a real push to get us moving in the right direction.

Most of us are wonderful at remembering our special someone at Christmas, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and other such times, but it seems we forget the rest of the year. But your partner deserves to know that he/she is loved every day of the year.

During hard economic times most people are working with a very tight budget. That means the gifts they give may be very inexpensive. But not to worry; gifts from the heart are the best gifts of all. In fact, one of the all time favorite gifts is a special love note.

When you write this love note it needs to have real meaning. It shouldn’t just be a note that is sweet. Instead, make it very authentic and personalized. For example, you could talk about how the two of you met and mention one of the special things that you did together. Tip: bring back a special memory!

Talking about old times can bring a rush of emotions. This can result in urges to bring back the vitality that lives in fresh relationships. Both of you may feel a renewed love.

Maybe you don’t like to write or don’t feel like you are a good writer. Here’s an idea: make a list of the things or the reasons that you love your partner. Once again, make this personalized. You can list them in any order at all or you can prioritize them. You can call your list “The Top 25 Reasons That I Love You” or “50 Wonderful Things About You”, or whatever suits you.

The point is that this does not have to be hard at all. This list will be a treasured keepsake and it won’t cost you a penny!

If you really want to show him/her your love you can prepare a list each month of the year. Not only does this remind your partner of your love but it also reminds you of all the good things about your partner on a regular basis. The fact is that as we spend time with someone it becomes easier to take them for granted. By listing our partners qualities monthly we are less likely to let that happen.

In addition to writing these ‘notes’ each of us should practice ‘giving’ the gift of love to our partners on a daily basis. I am referring to showing our love through acts of kindness, perhaps with special looks and touches. Our partners should always feel secure about the fact that we love them. That is the greatest gift we can offer them.

As much as we would like to have relationships that are always trouble-free few of us do. The fact is that life happens to us no matter how hard we try to make things seem like a fantasy world. We are humans and humans make mistakes. Sometimes our problems stem from things that are seemingly out of our control, such as the loss of work. Other times a relationship may face the difficulty of working through the heartache of one partner having an affair.

During such times it is very easy to blame each other. Guilt and blame are common and natural responses when there are problems. When we can make someone else responsible for the troubles we are dealing with it relieves us of any fault or guilt. Therefore, we are free to display our emotions as anger rather than feelings of hurt, disappointment, frustration, desperation, or any other emotion that may be less desirable than anger.

There is a reason that this can be therapeutic for the individual. When you consider the emotions listed above you can see that anger is a more advantageous sensation because it allows you to feel stronger than the other emotions allow. But if the anger is misdirected it can damage your relationship beyond repair.

During troubled times, ideally the two of you will find strength in each other. This is usually possible if the relationship has a strong foundation. The truth is that solid relationships can often survive financial difficulties, a disloyal partner, or any number of problems, as long as the couple works through the difficulties together.

The first step is acknowledging that there is a problem. Then the couple will need to openly discuss how the issue makes them feel. For example, if a couple is facing bankruptcy they are probably afraid of what the future might bring. If a partner had an affair there is probably a lot of hurt and distrust. Talking about the situation is important so that each partner understands how the other feels. It should also be understood that there will be days when things will seem worse than other days.

Work out a plan of attack for those bad days. A simple idea for the couple that has financial problems could be that they go for a walk in the park or spend time together doing some favorite hobby. Maybe they enjoy watching old movies and eating popcorn. Whatever it is that generally makes them happy and that will take their mind off their troubles is good. The point is to rejoice in the fact that even during hard times you have a deep-seated love that will get you through together. Working together as a team, as partners to get through the rough times helps to build new bonds. And when it’s all over, your relationship will be even stronger.

Couples usually start out with hot relationships. They simply cannot get enough of each other. In the early stages they want to look their best each time they will be seeing their new partner and when they are not together they are wondering what he/she is doing. That results in phone calls, emails, and text messages that often say nothing more than “Hello, I’m thinking of you”.

But for many of us, as time goes on it seems that life takes over. Our relationship continues but so does everything else. And in the progress we sometimes lose touch with what is really important. Our priorities get confused and we forget to make those phone calls and emails to remind our partner that we think about them throughout the day. We may also decide that because our partner knows that we have to get cleaned up on a daily basis for our job that when we are home it is good to relax. They understand that we don’t want to worry with our hair and clothes all the time.

Okay, I’m sure you are getting the idea of this article. We sort of get sloppy with our relationships over time. It’s not that we don’t care as much. In fact, if anything, our love is probably stronger than ever. Unfortunately we don’t show it nearly as much. Why not surprise your partner with a very special night at home? Here’s how! Begin by planning ahead.

Everyone loves gifts so plan ahead and have a gift ready. Depending on your budget this could be just about anything. Some suggestions include the following: a nice candle, a negligee, bath oil, perfume, or jewelry for women; and for men consider cologne, or perhaps even something related to a favorite hobby. Don’t forget to include a card that says something sweet and romantic.

If you cannot cook purchase a nice sized basket. Go shopping to fill it with some great food to use for a bedroom picnic. If you can cook, then plan to prepare a glorious meal to eat by candle light.

Get home before your partner and leave a trail of flower petals or alternatively, small pieces of torn colored paper, leading to where you want them to go (bedroom, bathroom, dining room, etc,). Don’t try to force the evening to end up in any particular way, just be charming. The goal is to bring back a little romance and then to keep it there.

During the evening tell your partner that you’ve noticed that you have neglected some of the little things you used to do. Explain that you will put more effort into including those things in your days. Then keep your word.

This situation actually happens to guys more often than it does to females; but it can happen to either gender. You meet someone that you are interested in. You don’t want to seem pushy so you work at developing a friendship as a foundation to a relationship.

In lots of ways this is a good tactic. Relationships that have a solid foundation of friendship are strong. The partners are friends as well as lovers; this creates a bond that can withstand difficult periods. 

But there are some cases in which one partner never sees beyond the friendship. In fact, he or she may feel so comfortable in this friendship that discussing feelings and desires for other people comes easily. You may hear that your ‘friend’ thinks of you like a brother or sister. This level of comfort is rare in any relationship and therefore the ‘friend’ truly values the connection that he/she has with you.

The problem is that you want nothing more than to be his/her one and only. But the reality is that your friend has blatantly told you that you are like a family member. That says a lot about the relationship.

You can continue to pursue a more meaningful relationship, hoping for one that is full of a deep and intimate love, or you can accept the bond for the wonderful things that it offers. Having a friend of the opposite sex can provide lots of benefits in many ways. It provides a way for you to gain insight into how the other half thinks.

However, if being with this person causes more hurt than happiness then the relationship is a waste of your time. Always remember to be kind to yourself and remove any unnecessary stress and negativity from your life. This is not to say that you have to completely give up the friendship, but you might want to consider putting some space between you and this person.

The fact is that others may see you as a couple, and this could prevent you from meeting someone that would actually value you in the way that you deserve. Ideally you can maintain this friendship while moving on with your life. If your ‘friend’ truly feels about you in the way that he/she says then he/she will be happy to help you in the pursuit of a lasting and meaningful relationship, one that is fulfilling in every way. In fact, they may know someone that is perfect for you!

You have to decide if you can adapt to the situation, that is, if you can accept that your ‘friend’ is not interested in developing an intimate relationship with you. If you can get past that then the friendship may flourish, if not, then it may be best to slowly phase out the time you spend together.

So you have noticed that things are not going so well. You no longer look forward to meeting your partner and the days that you spend with each other seem to be few and far between and all you can think about is when you want to get back home and sleep. Sex is a distant memory between the two of you and you struggle to find things to talk about.

These are some of the warning signs that the relationship is like a white dwarf heading towards a black hole – heading towards oblivion and it is up to you to save this relationship before things get out of hand you both find yourselves on the road to separate lives. What happened? Things were going so well before and suddenly that magic train just got derailed and you are left stranded on an island of mutual resentment. It is time to talk about things.

Open up, communicate. It is common in these stages of the relationship that the partners just avoid the subject completely, letting it fester and grow into an endemic so out of control that it just slices the connection the both of you had together. Sit down and find a quiet place and talk about things. Find out what the problem is and what is bothering one another. Try to find resolutions through dialogue. Communication here is key. For example, the woman in the relationship could have been feeling that her man did not find her attractive enough. That could fester into a debilitating problem of avoidance of physical contact and an exaggerated jealous streak that could end up hurting both parties. If they talked about it, they could find ways to resolve the issue, or find out the real reasons behind their distance and work together to resolve it. This is what you need to do. Talk and talk some more. Find mutual grounds of understanding. It is also time to bring in more excitement into your lives.

Surely by now your relationship has settled into a routine and you realise that boredom is taking over. Get spicy and get excited. Plan for outings and shared experiences like playing games together or going to the beach for a swim. Remind one another why you guys loved each other and have fun together, it is one of the best ways to save a relationship. And the last one discussed here today is one of the hardest things to do – spend some time away from each other. Take a month off. A cooling off period can be just the sort of thing you need to reflect on your lives, one another and perhaps start to miss each other again, rekindling the old emotions that were always there. This are some of the super tips that you can use to save your relationship, but remember, everyone is different so think about what the problems are before you approach them. Always use love as a tool to save a relationship, look into each others eyes and remind one another of the love that you once had.

When it comes to relationships there are few things more important than the way you communicate with your partner. Communication really is the basis of most relationships. Consider early relationships. Think about all the time that is spent with phone conversations, emails, and text messages. We simply have to communicate in order to get to know someone. And ideally we can talk openly and honestly with our partner.

As simple as this sounds many couples cannot have real conversations. This difficulty is usually not present early on in the relationship. In fact, most couples start out their relationships by having long and meaningful conversations.

But as time goes on the partners often seem to lose touch with really talking with their partners. Part of this stems from the fact that many couples find they are like ships passing in the dark. They have little time to enjoy conversations that are not absolutely necessary. In such situations, over time the couple may find that they have lost the art of how to communicate with one another.

Another communication problem that can result in real troubles for the couple is that of one partner not listening to what the other one says. Too many times it seems that one partner will hear the other one talking but little effort is given to listen to what is being said. When this happens the partner feels ignored, neglected, and that the partner does not care about what he is saying. It’s as if his thoughts are unimportant.

If this problem is not confronted and talked out it is likely to continue and the ill feelings will only grow worse. As time goes on both partners are likely to feel a sense of resentment toward the other. Obviously, the situation can escalate and the couple eventually feels they have completely lost touch with each other. If efforts to turn the situation around are not taken the relationship is likely to fall apart.

Other circumstances can be even more drastically damaging to the relationship and it can happen much faster. When one or both partners are evasive or dishonest there is little chance for true communication.  Avoiding telling your partner the truth, or the whole truth can result in a complete disrespect for the sanctity of the relationship.

That alone can cause enough hurt that some people are not able to forgive or trust again. When that happens the relationship is all but over.

Whether you are fresh out of a relationship or you’ve never been in one, there are some preparations that can help insure your readiness for the experience. You have probably heard the saying that before you can love someone else you have to love yourself. In discussing how to prepare yourself for a relationship that thought is very important.

One of the first things anyone desiring a relationship should do is get to know himself. This means knowing the person inside. Too many people never take the time to understand what it is that they personally want out of life. That knowledge will help to determine the type of person that will be a good partner for you.

But before we talk about the really deep stuff we should probably start with the basics that involve the here and now. When you decide you are ready for a relationship you are making the decision to include another person in your life in an intimate way. This might mean simply spending time together going out on dates but it could develop into a live-in situation or even marriage.

With that being said it is important that you have at least some ideas about what a relationship means to you. For most people, a relationship has to be built on trust and understanding. Some couples prefer a certain amount of freedom while others choose to spend as much time together as possible.

Consider ahead of time how much room in your life there is for another person and just how they would ideally fit in. If you have hobbies that interest you they should not have to be neglected in order to pursue a relationship. Just as a side note, perhaps there are clubs or organizations for people with the same interests. Someone from there could possibly be the ideal partner.

Other things to consider include your values, morals, and religious beliefs (or lack of), and how important it is to you that your partner shares in those. After all, some things are real deal breakers and the sooner you know about them the better. The point being, if you determine ahead of time what is or isn’t important to you then you can better decide who will make a good partner for you. You will know the things to look for in deciding who you want to get involved with for the long term.

Some of the things that should be considered include where you want to live, the type of place you want to live in, if you want children, if so, how many and what parenting style do you believe is best, and the list goes on. When you have found someone that you believe is right for you, based on your relationship criteria, you can then begin to build a relationship. Because the two of you have so many basic things in common the relationship will have a solid foundation.

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