Dating and Relationships

Archive for the ‘Relationship and Romance’ Category

There are many couples who decide to live together when the urge to have sex is decreasing, but according to the sexologists when you do not have sex steadily over time you lose that desire. So, Sexless relationships, can they work?

In general, if the couple still wants to and cannot have sex because one is tired or have no time then it does not produce any kind of conflict, but in the event that a person has an urge to have sex and the other is not cooperating then several conflicts arise, which can lead to infidelity and cause separation.

Do not be surprised if your partner gives you the excuses like stress, lack of sleep, depression, among others. If the two cannot solve this problem, the best option is to consult a physician or a psychologist. So, Sexless relationships, can they work?

We all know the importance of sex in couples. This not only has to do with the frequency of sex in these relationships, but also the quality. Over time, experts argue that the passion is lost and the relationship centers on the love and companionship. How far is this true? Sexless relationships, can they work?

It is partly true that over a period of time, love takes the front seat in any relationship and sex might take the back seat. But still, sex can be considered as one of the major elements in any relationship and it cannot be completely ignored. This is because sex multiplies the desire for each other and it is the spice of any relationship. This is the reason why you need to give it a bit of attention apart from love and companionship. Plan to take some time out of your busy schedule and try to spend that time with your partner. Not only that, make sure that you have sex at least once in every week if not every day. Also be completely aware of the other person’s needs for sex in a relationship. If you completely ignore the other person’s needs then there are chances that he or she might want to stray out for the sake of sex. This is completely unhealthy for the relationship and might cause separation or a divorce.

So, Sexless relationships, can they work? The chances are very little. So it is better to maintain that fire till the last breath. If you cannot maintain the frequency it is not a problem but if sex complete lacks in the relationship then there are the chances that the relationship might completely lose the beauty. So make sure you maintain physical intimacy as much as possible in the relationship. Sex is one of the most important needs of the human body apart from food and clothing. So, one should completely attend this particular need in order to lead a harmonious and healthy life. When it comes to maintaining a relationship, sex is one of the most important factors apart from love and proper understanding.

When we first begin a relationship our life partner we are likely to want to spend every possible moment with our new mate. Most of us find this new person irresistible, we simply cannot get enough of them. During this initial phase we are learning about them, and for most of us we are hanging on every word they say and listening intently. Most people feel full of joy and see life through rose colored glasses during this stage. This stage, not surprisingly, is referred to as ‘the Honeymoon’ stage.

The stage of a relationship is a phase of discovery. We have become accustomed to seeing our partner so some of the initial excitement is over. During this stage we discover each other’s little quirks and things that make the person human. This phase is when most couples begin to really open up to one another on a consistent basis about their deep thoughts and feelings. Emotional intimacy can become a true reality during this phase.

Once you have come this far most couples agree that it is time to commit to each other. After all, they feel very comfortable with each other and they have shared intimate details about their lives with one another. They have acknowledged that each of them have flaws but they’ve accepted them.

The fourth stage is sometimes referred to as the ‘Power Struggle’ phase. This is the stage where many couples give up – they end their relationship. Power struggles are never comfortable and they are difficult to work through. They usually seem to come from out of nowhere, leaving the partners wondering what went wrong. This is one of those times that the partners have to remember that magical word called ‘compromise’. Communication is vital during such phases.

After the power struggle is resolved the couple will probably move into a stage of growth where feelings of intimacy between them are intensified and the bonds are stronger than ever. Each has learned something new about the other and hopefully each has accepted his/her feelings and views. Because they have weathered a storm together and come through it still holding hands the couple is more in love than ever. It’s great food for the soul.

And not surprisingly, this newfound intimacy often leads to a second phase of what many call a Honeymoon stage. The couple feels great about being together and the bonds are stronger than ever. In the best and healthiest relationships this phase will last indefinitely.

So what was left out? Well, lots of things really. There are phases that focus on such things as having kids, or starting a new business, or any other project that is time and thought demanding. The reason the couple will go through changes during such times is because as one or both partners is giving time and attention to a baby, a new job, a new business, or whatever, the other partner may feel left out, lonely, ignored, neglected, or even jealous. And when that happens the partners have to work through the difficulties and find common ground and compromises that work for both of them.

There are also stages that focus on hardships that could include almost anything that one or both partners finds disturbing. Sometimes it is as tragic as a death of a parent, sibling or child, and other times it may be bankruptcy or health issues that must be addressed.

The reality is that relationships consist of living beings that are closely connected. Relationships themselves take on a life of their own. They have to be nurtured and cared for if they are to thrive. People in the relationships need to understand that there will be phases to their relationship and this is the normal progression of things. This understanding will make the ups and downs of life and how they affect the couple easier to accept. In the end, the couple is likely to learn that each change can be an opportunity for bringing them closer and making their bonds stronger.

Keeping the romance alive after kids can be such a difficult thing to do because responsibilities have taken a much wider margin than romance.  You have bills to pay, kids to pay attention to, chores to do and for reason or the other, you are just too tired to be romantic.

Couples are emotionally and physically drained as taking care of children takes its toll on your relationship. Sleep deprivation, lack of privacy, no more romantic getaways and unhurried and unscheduled sex. We just have to take care of the kids first, and many times our personal wants and needs end up being put on hold.

Reawaken the flame by following a simple list I have conjured up.

1. Call each other pet names like when you were still going out, AVOID Mom or Dad. Calling each other as such spells responsibility not sexiness.  You have to strive to be a bit more romantic than before.

2. Take the stress away after a hard day’s work by greeting them with a kiss and hug and ask how their day went. Show more caring behavior when they arrive home before the conversation shifts to the kids. Let him/her know that keeping your marriage strong is vital to maintaining the family bonds that are important to you. Tell your husband/wife that the love is still there, even if the romance must be postponed from time to time.

3. Be a little naughty in planning on how to spend the time alone with them.

4. Place small notes in lunches you prepare for them, they could be flirty messages or anything that creates anticipation.

5. Be creative in making love by buying sexy lingerie, making love on the porch under the moonlight bliss. Experiment with sex a lot to keep the love juices flowing.

6.  Make any dull moment magical and remind each other often and in countless ways that you still love them through the years.

7. Tuck the kids early to bed while planning something really naughty afterwards.

Like the majority of most married couples with kids, if you think about it you spend more time commuting and spending time outside the home rather than with your significant other.  In this demanding world of ours with couples concentrating on responsibilities, multiple priorities and distractions along the way, we tend to put aside our most significant other.

Meet and plan at least once a week, once a month or an annual getaway to spend some quality time with each other to keep the spark alive. Take turns in planning out dates for each other. And if your in-laws are really nice maybe they could just take care of the grandkids for a little while so you can date.

All it takes is just a little ingenuity and commitment from each of you to keep the love alive, that’s what’s important.

No matter who you, or what stage of life you’re in, or whether you are married, engaged, living with a partner, or you just met someone, or even are hoping to meet someone – we all have one thing in common; all of us start out alone. Before each and every relationship we have at least some alone time.

I believe the alone time is probably some of the most valuable time we ever get. This time allows us an opportunity to get to know ourselves and knowing we really know who we are we can better contribute to others in our life and to the world in general.

I’m not talking about hocus pocus or make believe stuff here. I’m talking about knowing what is truly important in our own world. You could start out with a focus on such things as ethics, morals, and even religious beliefs. These are some of the things that are at the core of who we are. Our true understanding of these issues in ourselves can serve to help us choose someone that is compatible.

Let’s face it, few of us would choose to partner up with a thief.  But how do you feel about a partner that would do such things as keep extra change that was mistakenly handed to him/her after a purchase. Or what about cheating on a test? For some of us these things are acceptable, but for others they are not.

I believe life is full of lessons. Some lessons we learn because we seek out knowledge and understanding, and other times it simply happens. I also believe that we can learn something from everyone we meet. And because I believe that way it is easier to deal with lots of situations. This includes even situations like finding out a partner is cheating or even making the discovery that a relationship is simply not going to work.

You see, even the wrong partner has a valuable lesson to teach, and that doomed relationship takes us closer to the one that we really want.

When we really seek to learn what we can from the individuals in our life we learn more about ourselves. One way to do this is to try to imagine being that other person and how he/she must feel about various issues. Try to determine what makes them tick and to understand then why they behave or do the things they do. Believe me, you will learn much about yourself, as well as the psychology of behaviors.

After you figure exactly the type of person that you want as a partner the next step is make yourself the ideal person for that individual. I know this sounds hokey, but think about it; if this other person is as special as you want them to be, then they want and deserve a wonderful partner, right? It only makes sense to work at turning yourself into that person. But be prepared to work at this. It could require giving up some bad habits or simply becoming more fit by taking better care of yourself.

Most of us have been in this situation at one time or another; we have a good friend that we are very close to, in fact, we have become so close to this friend that the friendship feels like much more. How do you know when the friendship has become an affair or a relationship?

On the surface this may seem very simple. You will say that a friendship is when two people are just that – they are friends and nothing more. But does it make a difference how close these friends can be if the friends involved in this friendship have partners? After all, some people use the ole line of saying that they are only friends to cover up an affair or relationship.

In essence, if we have any association with a person, we have a relationship with them. The association can then be defined as a friendship, working relationship, etc. Speaking of working relationships, we spend more of our waking hours with the people we work with than we do our family and friends. There simply isn’t any choice if we are working full time.

That makes it very easy to develop strong ties with those individuals – especially if we also go out to lunch with them and socialize with them after work hours. The point is that these people can become a very important part of our life. So where do we draw the line? Or do we allow our partners to set the boundaries?

First things first: it is true that friendships sometimes develop that are intense. For whatever reason the ‘friends’ are attracted to each other in more than a casual sense and have desires. Let’s be frank, as a human being one can sense when there is a physical attraction. Whether this is pheromones or simply due to the appearance and mannerisms of the partners involved, the attraction between the two is sensed. Deciding whether to act on it is what matters.

Every couple should have a discussion about what is and isn’t acceptable as far as friendships and flirting goes. In reality, having friends of all kinds is a good thing. It offers the opportunity to get insights from a variety of people which can broaden one’s way of thinking. Some couples are very open to outside friends and others are not. Extreme jealousy can often cause problems in a relationship.

Is flirting with others okay? Does it mean your partner wants someone else? When you see your partner flirt with someone else it may startle you and even hurt your feelings. But think about this: flirting in and of itself is harmless. It can be fun and make us feel good about ourselves when it is reciprocated. Why not let your partner have a little fun? Of course, if the action is a regular behavior then it can become annoying – but still rather harmless.

How do you measure the success of your relationship? Does its success depend on what other people think of you as a couple or on how the two of you get along when no one else is around?

Let’s face it, few of us have the perfect relationship – in fact, does anyone even know what it means to have the perfect relationship? I guess before that question can be answered we have to begin by defining what a perfect relationship would be and there really isn’t a single answer to that.

For instance, if you happen to be a sports fan you would probably appreciate a partner that either enjoys sports or is at least tolerant of your obsession/hobby. The same is true of any other past times. I spend a lot of time on the computer so my partner has to accept that.

Those types of things are sometimes obvious but what aren’t quite so obvious are things like meeting someone that we really like that has different moral standards than we do. I’m not talking about falling in love with a serial killer or anything drastic like that – what I’m referring to are what some might think of as little things, like not telling a store clerk when they give us too much change or even cheating on a test of some sort.

Believe it or not, even those things that seem small in the beginning can add up over time. Eventually they can seem very important and take on a life of their own. It’s likely that the first few incidences will be overlooked but as they happen time and again you will begin to question your partner’s character in other areas. This may or may not be fair to your partner because it is likely that these are his/her only faults, and let’s face it, none of us are perfect.

Some people measure the success of their relationship by the financial status the couple achieves. In other words, their basic goal is to have a nice home, car, clothes, other material possessions, and enough money to take vacations, etc. While most of us enjoy those things they hardly insure a quality relationship.

This may sound strange at first thought, but… when we do anything important in life we begin with a plan. If we are starting a new career we plan it out. If we are moving we start with a plan. But when we begin a relationship it seems that we lose sight of the importance of planning. We simply jump in and fly by the seat of our pants into oblivion, hoping that everything will turn out just the way we want it to.

A simple plan for the type of relationship we want would help set us up for success. If we know what we want we can work toward getting it. Plans start with goals and then all that is needed are the steps that will get us to those goals. It’s a simple formula, but it does work.

As much as we would like to find a wonderful relationship that maintains itself – it’s not going to happen. Relationships require work. It’s as simple as that. Of course, for some people the work is not as difficult as it is for others – but that does not mean that they don’t apply themselves to make the relationship last.

It’s similar to good health; some people have found easy ways to incorporate a healthy way of living into their daily lifestyle which helps to keep them physically fit. Other people stay fit by going to the gym regularly and sticking to a strict diet. Both approaches work, but one seems much easier than the other. However, even incorporating healthy eating and exercise into your daily life takes some effort.

When it comes to relationships, one of the most important things anyone can do is take responsibility for their own feelings and needs. No one else can be responsible for making you feel happy and secure – you have to do that yourself. This is done by treating yourself with kindness and in a caring way.

An example of how this works is examining a situation in which your partner is not feeling interested in you. This makes you feel abandoned and lost. Ask yourself why. Do not blame your partner for the way you feel, instead, look deep inside to see what it is about you that is making you feel that way. Keep in mind that you are responsible for your feelings.

While you treat yourself with kindness, compassion, understanding and acceptance, you should do the same for your partner. This usually brings the same treatment back to you. However, you do need to know that you cannot make your partner change – you can only change yourself. So if you happen to be in a relationship with someone that is consistently angry, blaming, jealous, withdrawn, or unavailable to you, then you need to either accept that sort of relationship or leave it.

When conflicts arise you have a choice to make. You can either choose to learn more about your partner and yourself by discovering the true sources of the conflict, or you can work to control the situation. The first choice allows you to educate yourself in a way that will be beneficial now and in the future. The second choice may allow you to ‘win’ this conflict, but it will do nothing to help the long term success of your relationship.

All healthy relationships include fun – which can mean different things to different couples. Some couples prefer quiet romantic dinners and others enjoy exciting times together. Whatever it is that the two of you enjoy together, it should be included on a regular basis.

When it comes to dating some people will date just about anyone to avoid sitting at home. This seems to be a personality type that simply enjoys being around people. But others are very selective. For them a date should be an event with a special person and the date itself should be special.

The problem is in deciding on how to make a date special. Deciding how and where to begin planning a date to remember really can be easy, that is, if you follow a few basic tips.

Hopefully you know something about your date. If you don’t then you need to ask prior to time for planning the date. After all, the date is about fun for the two of you. With that being said, you obviously want to make the date fun.

Leaving a lasting impression is easier when you do something out of the ordinary. This really isn’t hard to do. An example could be that your date loves a certain type of music by a particular artist. Depending on your budget you could do any one of the following:

• Purchase a CD of the music and play it as the two of you eat a meal (even a picnic style meal)
• Go out to a nightclub that has that type of live music
• Attend a live concert of the favorite artist

It is very important to note that your date should not end with one event, not if you want it to be memorable. Instead, when you leave one place you should go to another. This place should also be an uncommon place for a date. Examples include zoos, museums, roller skating and art galleries. The point is to do something that will make this time with you different than times with other people.

Because you want this date to be special you should also consider the fact that you will need to be comfortable. If dressing up is uncomfortable for you then consider planning the date around casual settings. You see, your discomfort could result in you not being as good natured or cheerful as you would like to be. You definitely do not want this date to be remembered in a negative sense.

If you are concerned about running out of things to say then work on it beforehand and plan your date at places that will not require a lot of talking. If you go out to dinner you will be expected to make conversation. In comparison, going to a concert allows little chance for discussions. Planning ahead is essential.

The good thing about having a memorable date with someone is that it leaves a nice impression and your partner will be ready to go out with you again. Remember that memorable dates can happen on any type of budget. Picnics in front of a fireplace or in the park are not only memorable and romantic, they are also cheap. Just use your imagination.

Few of us make it through life without suffering the anguish of a difficult break up. Unfortunately, some of us go through more than one break up. And depending on the unique situation, a break up can be the start of something much better.

However, it is not easy to visualize that when your heart is breaking and all you want to do is go back in time; back to when you and your ex were together. But focusing on the past will not help to move you forward. The past should definitely be analyzed in a way that will help to determine what went wrong. Knowing what was wrong will allow you to work on resolving that issue in future relationships.

A first step after a break up is to simply take some time for yourself. Allow time for sadness and even self-pity if you believe it will make you feel better, but, and this but is extremely important; put a time limit on it. You see, if you spend too much time crying and feeling sorry for yourself you will soon become stagnant. In other words you won’t be moving forward with your life. So decide from the start that you will give yourself 3 days, 5 days, or even a week for the initial feelings of gloom to settle. Then you can begin to move forward.

A good start is to be nice to you. Consider what is missing from your life that you could easily add and do it. Have you neglected a hobby that you once loved?  Have you let yourself get out of shape? What about your home, is it clean and tidy? Perhaps there is some type of self-improvement book or course that would not only be interesting, but in the end might even make you a better person.

You will find more time for the things that matter to you and at the same time you’ll create a person that is very desirable to others. Your self-esteem will improve and your new hobbies will make you a more interesting individual. But of course, during all this time you will have been thinking over your past relationship. By now you will have a good idea about what went wrong and why. And because you have had a break from your ex you know now if you really want to pursue rekindling that relationship. But you also know that taking care of yourself and remembering who you are is important.

You see, sometimes we get so caught up in loving someone that we forget to love ourselves. When that happens we tend to neglect our own needs and in the process we can lose touch with who we really are. And unfortunately that can make us much less interesting to the one person we want most to impress. It can become a vicious cycle.

Life has taught you unavoidable lessons. You are stronger than ever and you know what is important to you. This knowledge is powerful because you can now be involved in a relationship without being defined by it.

There have always been issues with infidelity in relationships but the Internet has opened up new opportunities for cheaters. But perhaps even more than that, the Internet has provided ways for people that otherwise would never have been involved in an affair to cheat on their spouse.

Few homes are without a computer nowadays and most homes have Internet access. There are literally thousands of online places that people can meet and get to know each other. And just like in the real world, some of these places are somewhat innocent and others may not be so innocent.

For example, there are all sorts of forums for people with similar likes and interests. People join forums for support and to meet new friends that they can learn from. Sometimes a friendship can grow. The outcome is rather obvious.

As the friendship develops strange things can happen. One subject can lead to another and soon the couple can be talking about topics that are totally unrelated to the initial subject that brought them together. If they continue to bond the friendship will deepen. They may begin feeling that they can share details of their life with each other.

The truth is that the anonymity offered by the Internet makes many people feel secure enough to open up in ways that they will not do in person. In this way their online friends and partners can learn more about them faster than they would if they met in person.

There are also Internet forums and chat rooms set up for specifically for online affair seekers. Yes, believe it or not, there really are such places. But what really makes an affair an affair? Does sex have to be involved?

Well, technically speaking, no. Most experts agree that intimate communication with anyone besides your committed partner is considered a betrayal. This would include discussions about what you and your partner would normally only talk about with each other. But the reality is that each of us has our own opinions about what cheating really is.

You may wonder if there are signs you can look for in a spouse having an online affair. The answer is yes. Some of the most obvious are that he/she may begin spending more and more time on the Internet. They may stay up very late at night or even get up extra early to spend time ‘alone and undisturbed’ online. You may notice that he/she closes out programs when you enter the room. You may not have access to all programs, etc. of the computer. Your partner may seem to be moodier than usual and has less desire to spend time with you and the children.

These signs are the same that you would see in a partner having any other type of affair. If you notice these problems you need to confront your partner about the situation. Find out how serious it is so you know what you are dealing with.