Dating and Relationships

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

What is Pre –arranged marriage?

Pre arranged marriage   – In Pre –arranged marriage the families or elders of the clan choose the partners for their children. This tradition is still kept with royalties; Indian’s; Chinese; and other cultures. This belief is respected and obeyed by the family and children.  The purpose of this obedience is to: maintain wealth, political status, heritage, culture, religion, settle some disputes, improve bloodline, horoscope, and to protect the name of the clan. To disobey this belief is a disgrace for the family and the clan in which they come from.

There is no real courtship between the persons involved in this kind of relationship. The courtship seen here is between the two families. The planning of this courtship may start at birth of the child or at a later age without the child’s knowledge.  The parents may introduce the future spouse to their child when the apparent time of engagement is done. The belief is said that the choice of elders is more or less accurate and stable since there is a thorough background check of the families concerned.  They claim that most of the time the traditional marriage sometimes does not work as there is no thorough background check.  In this pre –arranged marriage the parents play an important role influencing the child on their own choice of mate.  Since there is no courtship in the beginning of marriage, the parents understanding of their cultures; religion and checking of family background of  the spouse the will enhance the marriage. Their love for each other will develop and romance starts.

It is said that there are some cultures in which the children prefer to have their elders choose their spouse as they don’t want the long wait of courtship. For some cultures it may work as they are duty bound to obey the belief so as not to disgrace the family.

There are different views on this kind of relationship. The positive factors are: there is a thorough background check of both families – which means that they know each other’s family and respect each other’s view which may  partially solve if there arises an attitude problem during marriage; religion – they must have the same views; wealth is maintained on both sides or same category of financial status.  The negative factors are: the age of the children to be married. They can get married at the early age of 15 and the kids are not fully matured to handle the situation of a long life commitment, sexual problems, attitude problems may show during married life as this is a condition wherein a person can’t handle stress, the person is not able to keep the expectations of the spouse nor of the clan, have to adjust with each other since there was no courtship.

Married life is full of responsibilities, expectations, demands, daily stress, and sometimes competition of status. The stability of pre-arranged marriage will also depend on the strength of trust and respect the children have on their parent’s decision and their decision to accept the situation.

When we meet our ‘true love’ most of us want to spend every minute possible with him or her. We enjoy listening to what they have to say, we overlook their quirky little imperfections – in fact, we adore them. In general, we fantasize about being with this person every day and every night. Our mind starts to wander toward thoughts of the current living arrangements and how to best remedy that. After all, we want nothing more than to wake up each morning with him/her by our side and to go to sleep the same way.

For some people this will immediately bring to mind thoughts about an engagement followed by a wedding, a blissful honeymoon, and a fairytale life forever more. But for others among us, this type of attitude will prompt thoughts about living together. The process is rather simple – one of you will move in with the other and you will become a couple that loves and lives together on a daily basis.

The advantages of this sort of arrangement include the fact that at least initially; the two of you can keep both homes – just in case one week together is all you can stand, the break up won’t leave either of you homeless. Moving in together provides you with all the closeness of being married, but without any of the legal paperwork that bonds you together. There’s no need to plan for a big expensive wedding – you can start your new living arrangements right away.

The bad thing about that is our society is set up to accept ‘married’ couples in a different way than we accept those couples that simply live together. Right or wrong, some people still believe that living together without the benefit of marriage is wrong. Our society and government seem to support this view by making more advantages available to married couples than to others.

The truth is that husband and wife couples get breaks on their taxes, they can cover each other with their insurance plans, and if there is a divorce there are libraries full of books with laws designed for such an occasion. In some cases, it can be simple to end a marriage because there are so many legal alliances one can turn to. But if you live with your partner and things don’t work out the ending can be quite different.

This is largely because the typical laws relating to the dissolution of a marriage do not apply. This can result in loss of property and even a separation from (your partner’s) children that you have come to love. But of course, without the ‘legal’ marriage to deal with, both partners are free to walk away at anytime they choose.

For some couples, this seems to add to the love they feel from their partner – after all, living together is a choice they make on a continuous basis, whereas many married couples live together because they have committed to the marriage and divorces are a lot of work plus they’re expensive. Then again, because couples that are living together have the freedom to walk out the door without returning, many people involved in such relationships feel insecure.

Determining what is right for you and your partner is a personal decision. However, there are pros and cons to both ways of doing things. Before you make a decision that will affect you profoundly, always consider the options as well as the potential outcomes.